recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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