I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
