Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
