Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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