I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
