If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
