turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
