he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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