Umm I'm too high to move.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
