bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's rum buckets o'clock
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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