But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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