Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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