I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
