I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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