allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just blew my weed a kiss
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
