and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
