This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We got so high we made milksteak
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
