I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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