the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
