me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
