I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
