new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
