Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
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I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.