You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
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You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
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I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.