I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
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Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
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It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.