people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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