Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.