I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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