Your tits are I can't wait for
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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