Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
