In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
