mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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