guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize