what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
