Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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