Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
