She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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