So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
