we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
