Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
