Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
