I cannot find my penis.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
there is glitter all over my balls
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
