Barsexuality is the new black.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
only you would photoshop your dick
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
