happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
