Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
