A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
