We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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