he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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