why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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