I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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