drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
