She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
