piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
