he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
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He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
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Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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