i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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