He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
