He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
