I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
