Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i think i have two assholes
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
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I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
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In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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