That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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