The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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