glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
